No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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