i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.