every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
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Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
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I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis