I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
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Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.