I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize