It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
