if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
