I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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