her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
