I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
