Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
