we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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