So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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