omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
