the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
