You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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