and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
