worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
