we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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