Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
