I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
