My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize