I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize