I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
