Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
