I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
