he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
