Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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