I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
