Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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