Soap is not a condiment
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
