can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
whose parrot is this?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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