Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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