I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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