If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
home. puking in laundry basket.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
