I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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