Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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