at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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