my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
