My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
