Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
