Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
