best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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