Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
