I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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