I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
