sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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