ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
