i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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