guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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