Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
