It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
