P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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