I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
