dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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