Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
