I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
