Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize