I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
