Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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