If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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