I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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