I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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