I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just forgot I was standing up.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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