If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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