My hand turned me down
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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