If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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