we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Panties = found
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
