found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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