You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
